03 November, 2010
My little one was angry with me, rather very angry for writing about things and persons who have no place for them. Even my son, in his own way, said so little yet so much about my obsession for writing about certain incidents. Rather he reminded me of the part of Fountainhead where Howard Roark says to Toohey, “But I don’t think about you,” when Toohey wants so much to have Howard’s opinion. According to him I was, unnecessarily giving importance to some persons who, so much so, didn’t even deserve my contempt. He was right. He had experienced all the pain along with his mother, whole of my family had! And he could sese my pain even today so he so strongly wanted me to come out of it.
Both my kids are right in their own way but even I am not wrong in writing about certain happenings where I saw the lowest that people can stoop down to if it serves any of their petty interests. And when these very people come and say to me, ” we had so many compulsions” , ” how could I not sign the paper if the Head himslf brings it to me” etc etc. I feel like shouting back at their faces. But my good rearing stops me from that though I feel that even if I shout on their very faces they would take it as so used to they have become listening to such a language. But I won’t do it and then the only recourse left to me is to write, rather record for posterity the life at the Institution. who know some years from now someone might undertake a critical discourse analysis of all writings about the Institutions and may read what mostly is left unwritten in the posts!
But even I realize that I have to maintain a balance between writings that give me pain and those that give me happiness. So now on I would be focusing on a balanced approach. Another reason for this resolution is that it is officially over today and now I leave it to God and to Law to take action as per the deeds of the mortal men thinking them to be immortal. it is a new beginning today!