Letter to My Little One–40

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February 02, 2007

Dear Little One,

Even today when you are a big girl, whenever I think of you, to me you seem a small and a vulnerable small child the one I would try to protect and shield from anything that might hurt you. Perhaps you would not be able to gauge up my feelings at this stage as even I would never understand my mother’s concerns for me till I had your elder sister as my firstborn! I remember that the day my first daughter was born, I could relate to my own mother in a different manner, a way I could never visualize earlier. I had a strange dream last night when I saw a very small girl who was asking me for her book that I had taken from her and I was not able to locate her book! All other students had their boks with them but the little girl’s book had been misplaced by me and she stood asking for the book. It was a very strange dream and you know it well that I try finnding a rreason in all my dreams.I don’t know why but the first thought that came to my mind thinking about my dream was about you. Does the little girl, around 5-6 years in age, that I saw relate to you? Is it that somewhere deep inside I have a feeling that you academics are not getting as much time as they should. I know that you are doing the best that you can do under the circumstances but perhaps somewhere the essential gets relegated in pursuit of something that seems important in the present. I don’t know but this is how I thought about my dream. Or perhaps I am obsessed with all three of you and relate every little thing to either of you. And this reminds me of another of my cruel acts! Do you remember once I had taken away all your books that you loved so much when I thought you were not giving them proper attention? I gave them back only when you cried a lot and begged for them and promised to give them more attention. Perhaps it was at a time when that class-fellow of yours Ritu had usurped you of your first ranking in the class. You were perhaps in class 2nd! I thought of that incident today and thought how monstrous I had been with all of you! And when I had a dream of a small girl asking me for her book—I thought of you. Dear Little one, is something bothering you? Or is it that you are not able to steal time from your busy work schedule for so many of the academic pursuits, that you have started, that are bothering you? I don’t know why but have a strong hunch that there is something that is not very well at your end. Call it a mother’s sixth sense or a gut feeling but it has to have some truth in it. If it is time management and a feeling of guilt for not doing the things that you would otherwise have loved to do—get rid of it. You cannot be a super woman—having time for everything and everything on time! Take your own time and everything would be in place even before you know how and when. Believe me all the work that you have in hand would be over very soon and you would at some later stage not even remember the pressure it you to. This is what life is all about! Live each day as a new day and welcome it with a smile. Everything happens for a reason and every reason has some cosmic design to support it. Accept it and get going.Love

Ma

One thought on “Letter to My Little One–40

  1. Nimish

    Hi Saroj,

    Lack of paragraphs in your writing reminded me of Gabriel Gracia Marquez’s “One Hundred Years of Solitude” – it was dense as a jungle!

    And, on dreams (the remenant-of-sleep ones)- I sometimes think they are like melting ice-cubes on a carpet… however hard one tries to hold onto them, they disappear in a little while…

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