I am restless and the worse is that I cannot pinpoint any one reason for being so restless. I am angry, too, at so many things, some of my own doing and some over which I have no control. I have the same feeling overwhelming me that I had some months back when my elder daughter was to be married off. It was a feeling of breaking off a bond that held us together. But these days the same kind of feeling is just taking over me and I feel so helpless to watch my own kids move to distant places. I am, probably, suffering from “empty nest syndrome.”
Isn’t it true that I always wished for such a moment to come in my life but then why am I feeling restless as if something precious is being snapped from my very being! Perhaps I am being selfish and want the undivided attention of my kids when they have to fly and move over the horizon to explore the world. What would they do sitting near me all the time and listening to my never-ending words. Or perhaps I am being over cautious for sending them away as they are so small as per my definition of having grown, and they still need me. But do they need me? The little one, in one of her pensive moods, exclaimed yesterday—“would I have the same life ever again?” “Why not, my dear”, I replied , though deep in my heart even I knew that what she is leaving behind would never be the same for her when she comes back.
And how would I live without her was another reason making me feel sad and restless. I had taken her presence at home for granted. She would be there when I came back for lunch and would be there, with a steaming cup of tea, when I came back in the evening. How would I feel when I would open the lock on the door and would enter a home bereft of its soul? My little one has been the soul of the family and what would we have to talk about when she would net be there, makes me sad and restless. I try putting all these thoughts backstage and revel in the present when I can make the best use of her presence and our togetherness but the pressure at job has taken away even that little comfort from my life. I don’t know whether it happens with all mothers or I am being over protective. But I know one thing that I would give her the freedom to fly and go high so that never in her life she has a regret for not having made the choice, when she had the option.
I would start afresh but would never be an impediment in her path to success and life. I have lived my own life and have also made the choice when I had the option. Now is the time when I have to give the same choice to my little one and hope that one day she, too, gives the same choice to her little one and this tradition goes on. Go my little one as I know your love would remain there with me for all times to come.