Letters to my daughter-1


Dear daughter,

Would you like to know someything about your life, from day one that you came to our life to the day when you are going to start your life afresh?

The day you were born, I saw a new me as it was the day that I was able to redefine my relationship with my own mother.The moment I held you in my arms, I experienced something melt away inside me and wash off all those moments that I still carried when I thought that my mother had been partial towards me. You cleansed my soul. Looking at you, a small bundle of flesh, I suddenly thought how could I ever have all those thoughts for my mother.

You were always a quiet child and would just look at all others with eyes that were the striking feature in your small face. I would look at you for incessant hours and Ma would tell me not to do so as the mother’s are the ones having “kali nazar” for their own child. Afraid and worried for your safety, I would put a black mark on our forehead! You were underweight and your nani was very particular for massaging your body in effort to make you strong. I had my papers at hand and wanted to study but your nani would tell me not to overexert my eyes lest I would develop some problem. But as was stubborn to go ahead with my studies, she would make fresh kohl everyday by dipping an almond in purified butter and then burning it to collect the soothe on a piece of slate that she would put in my eyes. Today, after almost 25 years when I am thinking of all this, I suddenly want to run to my mother’s arms. I really need rest these days. But can I tell her what ails me? Sorry for digression. I had to go to Shimla to appear in my HAS examination when you were barely 25v days old. Ma came along as during those times she was having vacations in her school. You were born in July and it was the annual vacation period in schools. I would go to take the examination. We had stayed at Mashobra and my examination center was in Sanjauli Degree College. We used to have two papers per day—one from 9 to 12 and the second from 2 to 5 PM. It would take whole of the day. I would put a shawl around me as during all this period. Many a times milk would flow from my body on its own and I remembered Ma having told me that it signified that you were hungry. But did I have a choice? I had already made a choice and now there was no way to revert back. Though I know that today you may also be carrying many a complaints against me in your heart. It is but natural. Are we all not human. I confess that I had ebeen really partial towards you, not giving you all the time that you deserved so if you have some such feelings for me, I accept them. We’ll talk about this aspect insome other post. Let me fisrt talk about the impact your arrival had on me or my busy schedule had on yours.

You became a contented child as perhaps very early during your infancy; you learnt not to make yourself cry for attention. You would remain so silent that I would be worried about you. You would just look intently at me and I would understand everything that you wanted to say.

Even today when you were to go to your in-law’s home, you didn’t say much but a look in your eyes said it all. I felt something stifling inside me. I wanted to hold you close to me once again the way I did in your childhood but there were dreams in your eyes that I was able to see clearly. Go my daughter, go to your home, a place that you will call your own and be happy. I was just a caretaker for you all these years and knew well the day you were born this truth. As I have told you in the beginning of my letter that you made me realize the bond between a mother and a daughter.

I know one thing for certain that whenever you will need me, you’ll find me near you. I would somehow be able to sense your stat of mind and would support you. Be a good wife, a good daughter-in-law the same way as you gave been a very good daughter to me.

I would miss you in every corner of my home but your smell has permeated the very corner of my heart and home so you would always be with me.

But remember my dear that it is your responsibility towards your new family that would help you develop as a real daughter to me. In the beginning, perhaps, you may not be able to relate to them the way you relate to us, but these are the relations that now onwards you will have. I told you I was just a care taker to imbibe values in you that will help you survive and face with fortitude all that life has to offer.



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