Self Realization and the Valkyries

Like Valkires, searching for our “self”, we moved the desert land. The eternal and universal quest for a human being is to find a meaning to his life, this realization dawned upon me in the desert lands where we two, like Valkyries, searched a meaning for our existence and finally learnt to forgive the past and start believing in the future.

The sand all around spattered with colourful hues of oranges, reds, greens gave a mystic charm to the ambience of the desert as if making a balance between vibrant and dull shades of colours. How true indeed. Was it not like life where the happiness and sadness both balance each other. But was it not the reds, yellows and greens etc. that made impact on the viewers’ mind than the dull sand colour that abounded? How could I not understand this truth? It is the happiness that brings colour to our existence and what makes us memorable to others. No one would be able to remember you if your life, like a desert, would be plain and colourless!

To live our life the way we loved, was the goal worth striving for and not to rue about missing something which was not even worth missing. A visit to the desert land, the land of sand dunes and vibrant hues, was a lesson and experience worth carrying a life time. Like two Valkyries, we both roamed the sandy outskirts of the small villages and tried coming on terms with what life has brought us to. It was an experience to enjoy rides on a horse cart, a jeep, full to the brim, like the favicol advertisement. The markets where people sell merchandise still carrying a good-natured smile; the women who despite being suntanned had an innocent and capturing rawness in their expressions—everything capturing our fancy! It was a place where language was no bar at all to reach out to others. Smiles and expressions did all that language had to do. We started experiencing something changing inside us or were we already in the process of changing?

            Like young girls, we laughed over silly matters till our sides ached and did all that we would shy away from doing back home. It seemed as if we had forgotten to laugh but somehow it came without making much effort. With nothing much to do, we did all those things that make us human. Raiding the small town markets to search for the colourful odhnis and bangles was one such pastime. It seemed as if all the colours of life had found a place in small cloth shops where colourful cottons spewed every corner. Searching for the colours to suit us, we almost raided whole of the market. Can such seemingly small matters give you what big things in life cannot? Why were we doing it—to get a thrill or to imbibe a change in pattern of our lifestyle? I don’t know. But what I understood outweighed all such options. We were doing it to find joy and to break up a pact with the past. We still had an ardent desire to look towards the best in life that was to come. And all this was done to look forward to future that still carries in its womb the secret to our happiness.

It needed not only breaking away the pact with the past but also bringing to surface intense hate that we carried. I had always believed  that I cannot carry such an intense feeling of hatred for anyone but how wrong I was! To believe in your future, you have to get rid of the hate that you carry. But how to, is the big question. Can I really get away from the intense negative feelings that I carry or just freeze them in some corner of my being? I had no answer. I could see at least the truth of having this feeling which I thought I was not capable of having for anyone. So if today I realize the fact that I can have such a feeling, tomorrow may be I get relieved of the same as well. Who knows?  Coming on terms with the negative feelings was the first step for getting rid of them.

The next step was much easier and could be followed. Breaking way the pact was another lesson that needs to be implemented by all those who want to start their life afresh and this is what we did. Watching the sand being blown from the place where it had settled complacently believing in the permanence of its being, revealed the truth of life where the only driving force is the life force. But can mere displacement of sand dunes from one place to another deprive it of its existence? No way. How foolish we had been! We learnt a great lesson. Such displacement makes the sand stronger. Does it not get rid of all that was useless in its being. All the superfluous gets away with the strong currents of the wind and what remains is the essence of the sand. Rather it gets the requisite strength to make a new place as its own and more so as getting displaced was not a choice that the sand dunes exercised. When it was not a choice or free will, why to rue over it? And more importantly when it makes you stronger in the process by getting rid of the clutter that gets stored on the way? A great self-cleansing process at work! Breaking away the pact is an important rule towards starting a new life. Break away from all such happenings of the past that pull us backward instead of ushering to a bright future. Who wants to be pulled back and to what extent? Standing in the dull and dry locale of the desert land, we watched the sand dunes being carried away as such was the force of the storm. But how long did the storm last? Not very long. And after that there was a lull all around. A kind of peacefulness enveloped everything. The sand dunes still stood, at a different place maybe, but with head held high and much stronger than their earlier existence. The storm was no where to be seen. If such is the destiny of sand dunes, why should they be afraid to face the storm and when they understand that it is their existence that would remain for all times to come. We suddenly were filled with a feeling of awe towards nature and its lessons. Such a big lesson of life came to us in such a simple manner. We felt light hearted and initiated towards the long standing demand of breaking the pact.

But all said and done, it is not easy to break the pact. It requires the entire life force that was used in creating it in the first place. It made us wondering if there is something more to our existence in this world than what, short sighted as we are, care to look at? The truth dawned upon us with the help of small incidents taking place around us everyday, which we would have overlooked, had we not been in a mental state where each incident is related to the big mystery called Life. The bangle seller’s simple philosophy of work was a lesson that no teacher or book of philosophy could ever teach one in a class room. The poem by Blake that says “we destroy what we love” seems central to the theme of the life as well…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s