Yesterday we had a power failure and as it was sultry hot inside the room, we went to the roof and lay there. What do you see when you lie facing upwards? The sky with unaccountable mysteries held in its womb. Watching the sky at night when there is no electric illumination to distract the view is something rare these days. Contemplating about the numerous unsolved mysteries, one of which is the Black Holes, once again led my thoughts to the person who talked so much of the black holes. And I recalled how you had always been thinking in opposite direction till someone made you think in the right direction. I just thought how you need to be directed to think in right direction, why you can’t see things as they are but like to see them as you want to see them. But why should a person spend or rather waste his/her energy in making you realize the truth? Is it worth the effort? What I was doing was the same thing. I was suddenly drained of energy thinking about what you had done to our life. I was doing more harm to myself and people close to me. I had a sudden realization lying under the clear sky that it was not worth the effort. I wanted to hurt you as I was hurt and people I love were hurt as well. This feeling of hurt gave way to anger and now I was changing it to despise by finding faults with you. But one great truth that I was able to see was that I was hurting myself and my own in the process. It was not easy for me even to try to hurt you.
Suddenly, at that time I found my peace. I made peace with my own self. I decided not to try to hurt you any further as what you did might have some reason behind it. I was angry with me for not being able to judge a person and be duped but I found that there was nothing wrong with my judgment and you were what I had perceived you to be. Why should I question my judgment and your integrity? I decided to set my self free from the feelings that I had developed about you and in the process release you from my thoughts as well. I had found that death of this relationship was an outcome of some nefarious design but the truth that it was so weak as not to withstand the impact of outside agencies, makes me question—whether it was worth carrying forward when it could not withstand the first very onslaught. I am pretty sure that had nothing happened at this stage, renewed attempts to cut it short would have taken place and this relationship would have died even at a later stage of its development. It was beyond our power to save it. One cannot fight with people of one’s own. As I am finding it too taxing to hurt you as every hurt that I aim at you comes back to me with more vengeance.
So when it was not in our hands to have saved the relationship, why to find a scapegoat and find reasons, lame one for its death. Why not to savior the goodness and the freshness of its essence and carry a pleasant memories of the same? Though it is not an easy job but at least I can try instead of finding ways and means to hurt you and getting hurt in the process.