Do I Live if My Dreams Die?

 March 31, 2007

The promising lights

At the end of the darkness

The towering heights

Upward ascent

A sense of achievement

Disarmingly my own.

The dominion of dreams.

The distant goals

The trusting humanity

The reinstated faith

Bonding and unity.

Made me have a reverie

Inside the world

The making of their own

Of a lining silvery.

That enchantment

Brought up a desire

Buried deep

Dormant and lacking fire

Needing nurturing

With love and care

The softness, yet strength

At the minimum bare.

But the world

Shining and inviting

Seemed so aloof

Cutting cold and frosty

With glacial looks

And icy humanity.

Where my voice hushed

The seedling

Eager to see the world anew

Wilted, drooping down.

Suffocated, strangulated

With a muffled moan.

But not dead

Lifeless and gone

It still craves for air

Mountain fresh and clean

To rekindle the hope

Of a chance, a prospect

To endeavor and venture

Live and breathe

Another extreme

To dream and transcend

A life supreme!

 

Bidding Goodbyes…

It was a tagline “Hate saying Goodbyes ” that caught my attention and this poem came out, breaking free from all that we hold inside, hiding even from our own self!

March 30, 2007

The feeling, the sensation

demarcated and lucid

the pain, the strain

engulfing us all

of parting and bidding adieu

to one who was so dear.

The laughing lips,

smiling eyes

hide the drops

of saline tear

that tries hard

to hide and hold.

the real self

Sheathed under

the apparent bold

mask of indifference

placid and serene

concerning

matters routine,

struggles hard to

block and withhold

the precious tear

that the windows

to our heart and mind

don’t want to disclose

or even you to find

the memories

of loss and pain

that you leave behind

the hurt and strife

of the bleeding hearts

bidding you goodbyes.

Letter to My Little One–45

 

March 20, 2007

Dear Little One,

When you commented, though offhand, during one of our chat sessions, “I feel as if I lack bounce in my gait these days” I was really worried. Now when you are away and I try reading between the lines to get your real state of mind. I was sad for you my child. How can you lose the bounce in your gait? It is not just lacking the bounce in your gait or the vibrancy in your voice or spontaneous smile on your countenance but it is much more than all these put together. It is the real you that you might get away from and this is what makes me worry.

Get back the sparkle in your eyes and the bounce in your gait as I believe that at no cost, I repeat at no cost, you have to be like others. Be yourself—at all points of time and under all conditions. I am worried, worried because my Little one has so much to take care of and that too on her own. But it would make you admire and respect your own self much more that what you do today. I am sure long afterwards you, too, would have real life stories to relate to people who love you and I can almost see them listening to you, in rapt attention, with mouths wide open.

This will be when you, today, would be able to take a decision, without a counsel from us! A decision that would make your life different! Good or bad, I don’t know but certainly different from what it is.

Love

Ma

Take me Away…

March 20, 2007

Where mediocrity reigns

Proud and supreme

Where falsehood and lies

Take seats of pride.

Where integrity,

Honesty and truth

Shy away and hide.

Pampering falsehood

Decrying truth

Is law of the day

Such suffocation

That strangulation

Death and decay

Of morality and fair play

Make me seek

Avenues new

But is there such

World galore

Where my simple

Truthful and piteous

Heart can savior

Few moments

Of respite and rest

Where I can be

I, me and myself

At my very best

Take me away, far away

To such a world

If it exists!

Down the Memory Lane… 1986-1990

Sanjeev Vats—The Batch of 1986–1990

As I have mentioned so many times in my Blogs that more than memories; I carry impressions. As for me memories relate to all those happenings that had consistency and recurrence but impressions related to some particular event that makes that moment mark an indelible impression in my mind. And these impressions about persons or places that are deeply engraved in my heart surge up whenever a related reference comes up.

And it happened yesterday as well. We were discussing Public speaking and how language can be used as a very useful tool to win friends even when you are facing inclement mobs or groups as audience. The best examples of such speeches that came to my mind related to “Gettysburg Address” delivered by Abraham Lincoln to a crowd of people who had arranged a function to consecrate a piece of land in the memory of brave soldiers having laid their life in the Great American Civil war!  It must have been a great job for Abraham Lincoln to justify the civil war at that solemn occasion when the mood was one of great loss at untimely deaths. But he won them over and even today his address is considered to be one of the best ever delivered.

The second example that we discussed pertained to Mark Antony’s speech from Shakespeare’s play “Julius Caesar”. Antony, contrary to what he says, actually means to turn the citizens of Rome against Brutus and the conspirators, revenging Julius Caesar’s death. Anthony continues his speech by using the idea from Brutus’ speech that Caesar was an ambitious man. Brutus used this thought to support his basis for killing Julius Caesar. Antony does not dispute Brutus’ respectable reputation, instead he says what people want to hear but with his power over words changes everything!

It was while talking about this speech that I thought of Sanjeev Vats—one of our alumni of the batch of 1986-1990. While I was busy doing household chores, he came to my home one evening. “Ma’am, do you have Shakespeare’s ‘Julius Caesar’?” asked he. Though I remembered having it but where the book was at that time was a big mystery to me. Having shifted the house recently I had no cue about the whereabouts of the book. I wanted to find out the book for him but my three small kids vying for my attention made the mother in me take over the role of the teacher in me and I asked him to wait for some time or rather to come some other day. But he wanted the book that very day. He had to read Mark Antony’s speech and wanted it urgently. Inernet was something unheard of in the year 1986 and we had to search all material in print material. He was to participate in some competition. I was in dilemma. But an idea came to my mind. “Can you search for the book in the heap of junk that I have put in the attic?” There was a smile on his face (though he always had a smile), a broad smile—“why not?” and he seemed so happy.

And I remember him standing on a stool and searching the book in the junk that I had literally stored in the attic. My children were so happy to see someone searching in the junk that they stood mesmerized around him and asking him to find so many things in the heap that they wanted! And I was worried that what would he think about all the junk that I had accumulated instead of throwing it away!

That was Sanjeev Vats! A student of the first batch of REC Hamirpur.  A Boy who would not take “No” for an answer and would find out a way to get what he wanted. Aiming straight for the shoot! We lost contact after 1990. And some 2-3 years back when I read news in The Tribune http://www.tribuneindia.com/2003/20031004/himachal.htm#6 about Sanjeev Vats achievement I was not surprised. Sanjeev was acclaimed for his achievements “for getting a scholarship for study in the University of Cambridge. Mr. Vats is only one from
India who has won this scholarship.” I was happy as I had not only taught him in REC Hamirpur but in the local Govt. Degree
College as well where he was a student of Pre-engineering. I remember him as an inquisitive young boy who was always eager to learn. And his success today has proved my prediction about him true.

It is significant to note that the students and faculty those days created opportunities instead of waiting for the most sought after opportunities coming their way. Neither did we decry the lack of pportunities to stifle our growth. We looked forward to each day as a challenge and thereby as an opportunity to do something unique. As those were the times when we had very poor infrastructure in the college but one thing that both the students as well as the teachers had in ample measure was–the zeal to move ahead! 

Meeting My Eyes in the Mirror…

March 14, 2007

Listening to what

My heart declares

I end up fighting

System ruthless

Unsympathetic

And unfair

Lacking empathy

And compassion

The system that

Closes with a cold stare

Stops and blockades

All channels and ways

To reach out or vent off

My genuine

Pains and hurts

The deep cuts of past

My old wounds

Pop up afresh

The old scars

Profound and vast.

 

Why can’t I be

Like anyone else

Moving along

Singing and brimming

Songs to eulogize

Closed doors

Blockaded channels

The broken hearts

The trampled egos

Still smiling

The mirthless smile

That says it all

My eyes wide and awake

See the morals fall

The ethics shatter

In personalized gains

And selfish matters

Can I be impassive

Silent and mute

And eulogize

The falling values

Changing attitudes?

 

But I register protest

Rise and revolt

To wake up and fight

With my little might

Frail weak and old

But brave and bold

I rise and shout and yell

My lone voice

Might fail to reach

Awaken, inform and tell

But every new day

My face seems to say

To its reflection in mirror

I fought hard and tough

To the best that I could

After an endless strive

And a failed endeavor

I could with pride

Meet my eyes

Proudly in the mirror

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Away from You…

March 13, 2007

Safe and secure

Under a Bargad tree

I lived happy contented

Blissful and free

The birds above in the sky

Flying freely

And aiming high

Visiting lands far and wide

Would never make me strive

To break free

Of the shelter

Of the Bargad tree.

Like a vine creeping

Up to gain more

Of sunlight and height

I would put

All my might

To rise up

Yet stay close.

And up I rose

Endeavoring hard

To remain connected

And jointed tothe base

That had helped me wade

My courage

And strength

Nurturing the needs

Yet sowing the seeds

To dream big

To stand tall

Strive and work

To attain it all.

Away from the Bardag tree

I still miss the proximity

Of care and shelter

Supporting me

When would I falter

Would make me feel

Secure and invulnerable

To all onslaughts

That make me reel

Stagger and stumble

Even today

Away from home

I hunt for and fumble

For the shadows

Of the Bargad tree

In the meadows

To stand by me

Through all time

When I feel weak

And take care of my

Very being.  

 

A Girl Born Unasked For…

March 08, 2007

A Girl Born Unasked For…

Tall and graceful

With nimbly limbs

Wearing royal attire

A blue colored beauty rose

From the sacrificial fire

Captivating the sages

The Rishis

The learned and the wise

The commoners and the royals

With her bewitching smile

With her looks divine

Her chiseled features fine

In full bloom of youth

To balm and sooth

The craving hearts’ desire

Invoking lust and fire!

But a girl child.

Was she asked for?

As a boon

Or was it a mistake

Of godly design

To bestow Drupad

With a daughter divine

Was he happy

To have got a daughter,

Or cursed his fate

And the gods.

For this blunder.

Was a daughter

A burden a disgrace

A blot on his face.

He wanted a son

In the family

Brave and courageous

To fight and to maim

The enemy

And earn laurels and fame

But a girl child

He never desired

Would never have sired.

A voice from the unknown

Puts his troubles and woes

And anguished heart to rest

The girl would help

You to maim your foes

To kill your enemies

To win you all

A girl born

Unasked for

Unwelcome

And undesired

Made his heart swell

As the divine voice

Did foretell

And proclaimed

The girl as a weapon.

Had it not so

Would he still

With fatherly love and care

Had embraced

Loved and acclaimed

The girl born unasked for?

Ma Sharda Temple at Simas, Himachal Pradesh

 

Ma Sharda

February 26, 2007

Thirty Kilometers from Baijnath, in Himachal Pradesh,  Maa
Simsa
Temple is situated amidst very picturesque surroundings. The thick jungles, the lush green growth, and the steep trails make a pious heart ascend up to pray at the

temple of
Goddess Simsa. The folklore about the setting of the temple is as usual what you find about so many temples of the country. But it is the faith of the devotees that makes this temple different.During the Navratras it is a heart-rending sight to see women sleeping on the floor of the temple, seeking a child from the Maa! The legend has it that if a woman comes with a pure heart to the temple of Maa Simsa and sleeps day and night in the temple, abstains from food and fasts, she has a dream—dream about either fruits that symbolize the boon for a child. Strange but true if one hears countless accounts of women bestowed with kids after this experience. It is not that every woman is bestowed with a child but there are some cases where women don’t dream of fruits etc. In such cases the woman has to leave the temple. It is said that if a woman doesn’t leave the temple in spite of having a dream where her remaining childless is hinted at, she develops red patches on her body that itch a lot and the poor woman has to leave the bed.The temple is full of devotees–some coming to seek boons and some others to pay their gratitude. The faith of the people, thronging the temple from far and wide, speaks a lot about the power of the unknown that still make us wonderstruck at the wonders of the nature. 

A Drop of Tear

March 07, 2007

The aching heart

The smiling face

The bouncing gait

Glory and pride

The pleading pain

What I show

And what I hide

Only I would know.

A hurt and a wound

That seemed to heal

But underneath the apparent

It hurts the very being

I smile and laugh

Giggle and clown

A tear from somewhere

Trickles down

Making my eyes

Watery and red

Is it a tear that

Tickles down

Or

Is it the sanguine

Water of the wound

That the outer cover

Unable to hold

Sends to the eyes

That have seen it all

Rise and fall

And still search

For a cue

That you, only you

Have.