Letter to My Little One–32

My little Impulsive Truant…

November 30, 2006

Dear Little One,

If I ask you about your favourite story from your school books, I am sure it would be “Maggie cuts her hair” an extract from George Eliot’s novel The Mill on the Floss! I remember you scouting for the entire book from my heap of books after reading this extract. I could see that you were mesmerized by the character of Maggie Tulliver. I don’t know whether you remember it or not but it was her impulsive action of cutting her hair that has become a recurring pattern in you as well. And when I observed that at all crucial stages of your life you punish your hair I am reminded of the story and how much it must have affected you. The way childhood impressions make, an everlasting, impressions on a young mind calls for a far more careful insight into the problem of what children read during their formative years.I could never visualize more how books affect our persona as this novel has affected you. Tell me if I am wrong. I may be wrong as here; too, it is my perspective at work. Then there was another chapter in one of your books “To sir with love” that you enjoyed reading time and again and pestered me to arrange the whole book for you from somewhere. Then I got the book from Somesh and you read the whole of it though you had your final examinations going on at that time!!I don’t know why I am thinking of all these memories today at this point of time. Perhaps it is that I have couriered you a black saree that you would be wearing for the party and somehow the mother in me is, once again, visualizing you to be looking beautiful. Or could be that Maggie wearing a black coloured evening gown at a ball where she steals the show from her fair and more beautiful cousin Lucy is also at the back of my mind. Perhaps it’s me that I am reinventing through you. I, too, picked up a black saree when I had to dress for a group photograph of Srijan!Ever since you came in my life I have been reliving my own past in your present and that makes me relate more to you. And I have been at times cruel to you as well perhaps I wanted to punish myself and ended up punishing you!!NO, I would not digress from the tone that the beginning of the lpost set and would rather close it.

Love

Ma

Letter to My Little One–31

 

What Makes Himachalis Different…

November 29, 2006

Dear Little One,

My post has nothing to do with the debate about regional or cultural differences specific to an area but I wanted to record something that I felt needs to be duly credited. It is concerning the effect of words and empathizing listening and its effect on the general mindset of the persons involved.When Swami Ramdev Ji came to Hamirpur and I had a chance to attend his Shivir for two days I remember him full of accolade for the Himachali people—one the way they dressed up ad the other for their very “Seedhi-sadhii” nature. As it was a camp where some assanas had to be performed so he always wanted women to be properly dressed and Himachali people dress up modestly so he was very happy. If you remember there was some case of impersonating identity so Ramdev Ji had to deal with Himachal Police as well. He remarked during the assembly that “Not only the people of Himachal are very simple but the Himachaal police, too, are ‘Seedhee-sadhee’ as they have not to deal with hardened criminals!” His compliment that he repeated even during his
UK visit made me think about our own people in a new light.Then another episode came to my mind. You know Gupta uncle told us once that here in Hamirpur he had been to the home of both the MLAs, representing BJP as well as Congress and he said, “I was treated so well, sincerely welcomed and was offered tea and snacks” and as an afterthought he added, “Had I made an attempt to meet my own MLA back home in UP, I would never even be allowed to enter the premises!” We just laughed at his revelation and thought why would the representatives of the people not meet their own constituency people. But this is the harsh fact in many of the states in
India.

Yesterday I came to know that there was someone who was interested to come to your Papa’s place of posting and worried that your Papa may not be dislodged from that place, I didn’t know what to do. I was worried. I really didn’t know whom to approach. I just opened the telephone directory and dialed the residential number of the Animal Husbandry Minister, Harsh Mahajan. I was surprised when he himself picked up the phone and listened patiently to my request and assured me of all help that he could render. I wondered would any Minister in any other state would pick his phone and answer to the caller. Perhaps not.

Not only this he recognized that I had called him up earlier as well. If you remember some three years back when your Papa got an outstation posting, how disturbed I was, rather all of us were. One fine day when I didn’t know what to do, I called up the Minister in charge of his department and talked to him about my concerns. He was compassionate to listen to me but as the list of transfer orders was being implemented, he showed his inability to do anything at that stage. Though the purpose of my call was not solved but it did generate a very good feeling in my mind about the easy access to the people living in the corridors of power. What else we need for good governance? No wonder that Himachal is acclaimed for good governance. I felt proud. This impact transfers from Top to Bottom and the common people in the state, too, reflect this work culture where compassion overrules any other reason! You just have to listen to the students, from outside Himachal, of my class when they are so surprised to find people trusting others so easily, something that they are not comfortable with in the beginning. But I am sure that when they leave this place they carry along with some of the traditions from this small hilly place.

I don’t think that anywhere else you would find such compassionate persons who are at the helm of the affairs. The point is that it is just impossible for you to satisfy all those who come to you seeking favours but if you are compassionate enough to listen to their point of view, I think half the battle is over. We need to be heard compassionately. I am sure what you wrote about the humanizing approach of your managers is the approach that works in all situations as we deal with human beings at all levels. So, my dear Little one, learn to be humane, compassionate and caring as this is what makes us be called civilized human beings and not some brutes uncaring and callous to other’s emotions.

Love

Ma

Letter to My Little One–30

 

Words Make or Mar You…

November 29, 2006

Dear Little One,

You are so obvious. Now when I am away and cannot see your facial expressions, your tag line speaks to me about your mental state. I was worried when you claimed, “Damn Tired” as this was not like you. Something unbecoming for you! When I asked you about it you said, “Feeling low, don’t know why?” Do you even understand how I, your Ma, sitting at such a distance, could feel about it? Helpless! I wanted to comfort you and talk to you. The first thing I wanted to do was to remove that tag line as it seemed to jeer at me saying, “See what effect words can have your little one!” I wanted you to be, hence forward free from the negative impact of vocabulary! I don’t say that you would not be in a low mental state but tell me what good you would have got by displaying it. I am sure that having watched it continually you must have started having more of its impact than what you had in the beginning. Have you noticed something that once we put on a pretentious role or makeover, gradually we start behaving like that. A very thin line demarcates between the real and the projected mood. And being humans we don’t even know when we cross over to the other side. When you put a negative tag line, you want others to know how you are feeling and gradually perhaps looking at the same tag line you yourself start behaving that way. Remember when I am talking to your Nani over phone, she talks in a normal manner but the moment I ask about her health she would bring about a slight change in her voice. It is not deliberate but has become a part of “attention Catching Syndrome” that almost all old people suffer from. Dear Little one, don’t use a negative tag line but always use a positive tag line. If you wear bright coloured clothes especially red when you are in low frame of mind it boosts your sagging spirits! Such a great force colours and words have in our life. So be careful. You have to be in control of your life and no one else, least of all your Ma, can control it. If you delegate this authority to someone else to control your life I don’t think you would ever be able to take control of it ever again.Love

Ma

Letter to my Little One–29

 

Don’t ever try to be a super woman…

November 29, 2006

Dear Little One,

When I log on to my PC in the morning and open my mailbox the green blink to your name greets me! I am not happy, neither am I green with envy for you to be so punctual that you are in your office so early, honestly speaking, I am angry with you. Before I say anything else let me tell you something about my life these days. You asked me one day, “Ma, are you keeping the home clean?” I didn’t know how to answer your question as I didn’t want to tell you a lie and at the same time didn’t want to make you feel that I have become very negligent towards some of the duties that come to women by virtue of being home makers. So, if you remember, I told you that my life is restricted to just one room these days, where I sleep, work, eat and do everything else…

These days I am really very busy. The end-semester work pressure, the women Workshop that we are organizing and then so many other activities are really having a toll. But despite all that I would have tea in the college canteen with all my friends and we would gossip. You find that there are two roles that we have to take up—working women and the homemaking women. It is a kind of two-in-one kind of arrangement.

I think that I have told you earlier too that the super woman has time for everything and everything is on time! A tall order by any standards. At least not for mortals like me!

But I am worried about you. You seem to be running towards the goal that would take its price from you. At the end of the day we seek an answer to our question, even after achieving something, what price we had to pay for it. Was it worth?

Did I tell you about TP who went to Bangalore for some training and came back all praise for the work culture, the pay packages and all and for some time kept on saying that he would go to IT industry. But a few days of teaching and sipping cups of tea, sitting in sun with colleagues, all his dreams of a life in IT industry went away with the wind. What I want to say is that we have had a different type of life and were able to manage both work and home but when I think of women in the corporate world and think about their future life, I really am cared. At what price would they attain success? What a life would they have? And I am more worried about the kind of future homes where mothers would be more of professionals and less of mothers.

I am not a pessimist and am not worried much about what happens to others as you know that I believe that if everyone thinks about his or her life there would be improvement in the community life. So I am worried about you little one. I want you to be a good family oriented woman and for that you would have to sacrifice a little of your dreams pertaining to career!

Perhaps because the ensuing workshop on “Personal and Professional Roles for Women” this issue has become top of my mind affair these days and your green blink made me to write about it. May be blabbering of an old lady, gone insane, living alone!

Love

Ma

Letter to My Little One–28

  

Old order must changeth…

November 27, 2006

Dear Little one,

I am afraid that I am turning an old hag!! A visit to your Dadi’s place and this stark reality struck me hard. Can you imagine how out of place the new addition to the old home looked like? I was not comfortable with it at all. And your Taya Ji wanted to have so many new additions. When I asked your Papa the need (?)for a small porch to be added,  he said— with a twinkle in his eyes, “So that you could sit there on a chair reading your favourite books!” “Do you think I would ever sit in the sun, on a chair, sipping a cup of tea and reading a novel?” I retorted back, a little angry or hurt perhaps. What exactly made me angry; I was not able to put my fingers on? Was it the feeling of loss at not having ever sat on a chair outside in the open or there was some other reason. I imagined myself sitting on a chair in the open courtyard. No, I don’t think I would be able to do that. Old habits die hard. And one of the old habits that I still cherish is to keep my head covered as soon as I enter the village boundaries and another is not to sit on a chair out in the open! Now something very interesting is that no one has ever stopped me from sitting on the chair but I would prefer to sit on anything else other than a chair!Today when your Taya ji and I stood together directing the masons, he motioned me to sit on the chair but I preferred to sit on a log of wood lying nearby. I wondered why don’t I change. Would I be ever comfortable sitting, on a chair, in the porch as your papa was jokingly making fun of?
My eyes were suddenly filled with tears and I thought of your Dada ji and the love that he had for me. He would be sitting on the chair in the courtyard and I would sit on the projected structure that circled the entire house and we would talk and talk. It would be surprising for the old women of the village as a daughter-in-law sitting and talking like that was not much common those days. More so because of the very strict and stiff impression that he carried. I remember that no one, I repeat no one, would ever cross through our courtyard when he would be home. But now things have changed. As no one lives at home, the courtyard has changed into a common passage. While I stood there talking with your Taya ji, so many new generation daughters-in-law of the village walked past, customary touching our feet but lacking the reverence that goes with the action!I asked your Dadi about the one who has been recently added to the tribe and was really amused when your Dadi said, “for whole of the day she is sitting cross-legged on a chair and keeps on listening to songs!” Perhaps I was able to detect some admiration in her voice for her own daughter-in-law or was it just my wishful thinking.The times have really changed. The new generation has less regard for the old values and tradition. They speak so loudly and without any inhibition that must be shown in presence of elders, and give their opinion on all matters whether asked for or not. I suddenly started feeling very old, not only in age but in my thinking as well. What has happened to the new generation? The old values and practices were on the verge of extinction! The old village well lies neglected as no on goes to fetch water from there, though in earlier times the first thing in the morning was to go, carrying a pitcher, to the village well. I remember that we were supposed to bring fresh water early in the morning but these days everyone stress water from the tap as the water supply is once in two days. But the notion about fresh water has become stale these days. The village “Bowri” cries for cleaning up but who bothers for the poor soul who supplied the whole village with sweet and cool water when there was no government water supply to boast of? Even I have not seen the “Bowri” for a long time! How selfish on our part indeed.  Ah, that reminds me that the earthen pitchers have been replaced by plastic ones and the colours of these plastic pitchers make my thirst done away with. I feel no longer thirsty as the fluorescent green plastic pitcher offends me no less than the concrete structure added to the old home. “But they are so durable and convenient” your Dadi emphasized. I thought of the Workshops and Seminars that take place in our own NIT Hamirpur about the ill effects of using Plastic in everyday life and wondered whom did they really enlighten? The participants who were already aware of the ill effects of plastic got a certificate for attending the workshop and the organizers for having organized it, to the convenience of both.  If knowledge could not be disseminated to the grass root level, was it of any use? I thought of telling them about the harms that it results in but would they listen to me? The intricate designs that adorned the cow-dung smeared floors have given way t cold and indifferent cement. The gas stove occupies a place of pride in all the kitchens of the village. The new generation women feel handicapped if they don’t have gas stoves in the kitchen! Luckily the “chullah” is still there and you can imagine how well we felt sitting there—when I cooked food and your Papa put wood in the “Chullah”! And a very intereting thing that I noticed was that I felt hungry after such a long time. I have really been worried on account of low appetite that I feel these days but the food cooked on “Chullah” made me crave for it! I prepared to serve dinner when it was only 6-30 PM! But all was silent outside and feel like midnight to me. I asked your Dadi about what people do these days once they are inside their homes. In earlier days some would busy themselves in spinning wool to make a warm blanket of home-spun wool. Or would just sit around the fire telling stories from the past! “But they have TVs to keep them busy”, could I detect a lament in her voice about the hard times that they had gone through! The village has even cable connection now and I literally laughed aloud thinking of the new empowerment that the women were experiencing a la Ekta Kapoor’s way! So much in the name of development! We really have come a long way.I am back home and am an enlightened person. Our village has really developed a lot! I would writ about some more facets of development in another post.I could never appreciate the wisdom held in the lines more as I appreciate and understand them today:

“The old order changeth, giving place to new”

Love

Ma

Letter to My Little One–27

 

A full circle existence…

November 24, 2006

Dear Little One,

I am so happy today as I was able to detect the same excitement and vibrancy in your voice as it had last year. My little one was not able to decide, was in dilemma—whether to go to the party or not? So after much cajoling when I was able to convince you for the need for socializing, another million dollar questioned baffled your little mind, “Ma it says that we have to dress in formals!” Another pretext you had for not attending the party. But like a crusader, I was able to convince you that it is not a big problem. And there was suddenly an excitement in you, excited like a small girl off to her first date! Even I started to feel so young, once again. We planned like two young girls the dress that you would like to wear for your formal party. Once we decided that it would be a Saree, I went to open my trunk that held all those beautiful Sarees in various hues and settled for two—one black with simmering silver work and another white again with silver thread work! It was fun—walking rather running from my trunk to my computer where you were online and we would discuss about various Sarees. Is it so strange that of all colours we settled for these two? And more when we finally selected the black one! Though you were not there with me but I could feel your presence around me especially when I opened the trunk. When I opened the trunk it revealed not only the various hues of the cloths that it held safely but many memories, too, that it held for me. Last year, the same time probably, when I would open the trunk, somehow as if on a cue, mysteriously, both of you would appear as if from nowhere to peep, from behind my silhouette, inside the trunk. It was an exercise that we all enjoyed. Though I would tell you not disturb me and let me find whatever I wanted to find in my trunk but inwardly would be waiting for you to come and give me company! I would pretend to be angry!J

It is an experience that only mothers and daughters can have though at times your younger brother, too, would be a party to all the fun that we had.I missed both of you so much today when I had to open the trunk and see all that held all by myself. It held memories of my recent past and that of my not-so-distant past. I really keep on juggling between my role as a mother and as a daughter these days and somehow both the roles overshadow each other at some points of time. And herein lies the carrying over of the tradition.So, it was my Ma’s trunk that was like “Pitaara” of so many things. Even today I can see myself bending over, from my Ma’s back, to peep inside the trunk. The satin Pettycoats and blouses with old-fashioned designs, silk Sarees that she had folded inside muslin cloth, opened new dreams in my eyes. Dreams when I, too, would have such grand clothes in my possession! There were few prized possessions of my Ma that she held securely tied in a bundle and would not let us even touch them .It was a securely held secret of hers. Once when someone came and I along with my sister had a chance to have a glance of what it held—we were astonished! Can you guess? It had letters that your Nana had written when posted outside Shimla! I could not believe it! How could he write such letters to my Ma? And I understood why she kept it hidden from our prying eyes? Those days it was a shock to us it would be shocking to present day kids if their parents don’t display their love for each other! J Times have really changed!Then there was another object that held my curiosity. It was my Ma’s treasure box. The antique brass box that she kept her jewellery in! Bank locker, though not unheard of, were not much common. So she kept all her jewellery in that box. I loved to se all it contained. The nose ring was a piece-a-detour! I would wish to put that on my nose and watch my face in the mirror but Ma would scold me for that. Sometimes when she would be in good mood, she would, on hr own, put that nose ring beside my nose and with love watch me! I could understand all the feelings that must have overwhelmed her heart, when I had a daughter of my own! Do you remember the nose ring that your Nani gave to your elder sister on her marriage; it is the same nose ring. Ma wanted to have it remade in a new design but I just loved it the way it was—with a peacock design on it. A very old design as it was what my Ma got at the time of her marriage! A tradition continues.

The Ma’s Nose ring…

I had thought that my Ma has forgotten all about the times when I would irritate her by peeping inside her trunk and its paraphernalia, but it was not so. Last year, she asked me to come with her and opened the trunk. These days I never go after her the way I used to during my childhood, so it was surprising for me and rejuvenating s well. Bringing out the antique brass ornament box, she said, “Keep it, this is for you!” Watching the look of happiness on my face she continues, “I know how much you loved it!” Mothers don’t forget as daughters; too, don’t forget anything that transpires between them, howsoever small.Watching the silk and satin Sarees, some heavy some delicate and elegant, I thought of you and how would you look in each of these the way my Ma watched putting her nose-ring on my nose! May you carry on the tradition! I plan to give e you a trunk where you, too, can keep all that you feel is precious for you, materials as well as memories, good and sweet.

Love

Ma

Letter to My Little One–26

 

Women as Emotional Creatures…

November 23, 2006

Dear Little One,

In my last post I had written about how I have been led more by emotional responses than by rational ones. This has often made me question the veracity of my actions and when you yourself are questioning whether an action of yours as been good or not very good—it needs serious thought.I want to deal with the issue of women as emotional creatures and how do they use/misuse their emotions at workplaces. I think that my little one can handle such serious issues and can provide me with your point of view as well. Looking back at my career and the issues that I had to handle, I see with objectivity the fact that on many occasions I have openly displayed my emotions in workplaces and emotions that made me feel weak as a woman. But did I feel weak when I cried openly or did it make me feel the way I was? Now there is nothing like women being weak and men being strong, except say physically may be, but there is a natural disposition, gender based, that both carry. I must acknowledge that during conflicting situations, I act more driven by emotions and less by rational self. At those moments my rational self is hijacked by my emotional self and I do what my emotional reaction prompts me to do. Many a times I regret later on and think was it worth it, should I have done it? And the answer all the time is NO. This brings to my mind another episode where I acted like a fool. You remember it well when, bleeding profusely after being hit by an erring truck driver, I chased him instead of getting medical aid. If I feel that someone has tried to play smart, I feel like getting hold of him even at the cost of personal safety. But is it worth? No, not at all!It is sheer wastage of creative energy that comes naturally to us—women. I hope that you would be able to sieve between the substance and the useless and apply your creative energy judiciously in all that you take up. There are things that don’t warrant our attention at all but we just make them seem important giving our undivided attentions and well earned time. It is a futile exercise. Once you learn to discard all that is useless, you would find more creative energy to focus on positive life energy. Remember creation; and not destruction should be our guiding Mantra. But if someone takes your being indifferent as a sign of your being weak and frail, then only you have to act otherwise!There are some attributes that come naturally to us like compassion, pity, sympathy, empathy etc. the point is that you name a, so called, soft attribute and you’ll find that in us. Perhaps this is the “X” factor we have! But does it make us weak? I would say that it makes us see the issue from both the angles as we have acquired rationality as a part of growing up and the emotional part comes to us by birth. Don’t you find this as a deadly combo in a professional woman? So dear little one, looking back I find that though I had displayed emotional response many a time but along with had reasonable rationality than was called upon, so have no regrets. But yes, I never liked it a bit when I was treated as a mere woman and asserted myself as a person. I think you know amore about it and I need not explain. But as I keep on reiterating, times have changed now and so have some basic human values. I find a big change coming in women as well, especially their approach towards life! Perhaps it is the result of competing with men, at all levels, that is getting into their basic nature or perhaps they are shielding their true nature under a mask of professionalism as they don’t want to be vulnerable to pain on account of their very nature. Seems like a vicious circle, a Catch-22 situation.But I believe that whatever that is against the basics nature of an individual would never bring that person happiness so enjoy being what you are, emotional, sensitive or compassionate. Don’t change yourself.

Love

Ma

Letter to my Little One–25

Power and Authority…

November 22, 2006

Dear Little One,
It really amused me to read your post about “Power”! I just wondered that a few months in the power hub and my Little one has starting questioning the influence power has in one’s life as well as on others life. And when you question “whether ‘absolute power’ does exist?” I thought of putting the matter, as far as I could, straight for you to understand. Though what I write is may be my perspective and not be completely correct, and you are free to disagree.

Power is a term which connotes so many feelings and one starts picturing all those concrete pictures that stand for power because power a such being an abstract word is a concept and can have different connotations for different people. Say for that matter a strict mother may be what power stands for! J Though your query deals with power balance at work places but as these days I am busy talking to you about some words of wisdom! J I am dealing with this query from a social and psychological point of view.

Well if we go into detail and try understanding another word loosely synonymous with power, it is authority. In Indian social context authority, which is men’s prerogative, is the right to command and to be obeyed. Now thinking along these lines we understand that in Indian society, being patriarchal in nature, men assert authority. It is simple. The head of the family…. etc etc. But power on the other hand is the real influence creator. Power is the ability to influence how things happen, even though one does not have the formal authority to determine what is done.

Think of an average Indian family and analyze as objectively as you can the one who has authority and the one who uses power. I know I am getting you confused. Even in families where the common governing rule is “women must follow their husbands” we find that practically all power is used or abused by women. Women often have considerable power in patriarchal societies, even though they have little or no authority. Is it not paradoxical? The one who has literally no authority uses all the power and the one who has authority is happy thinking about his authoritative position. The best analogy that comes to my mind is the functioning of a Parliamentary form of Government where the President is the head of the nation but for all practical purposes it is the Prime Minister, with his cabinet, who wields real power.

Similarly, in a situation of “mythical male dominance”, both men and women say that men control society. But when the society is observed closely and impartially, women actually have considerable influence, though that influence is not acknowledged openly by either men or women.

Perhaps this is what actually is convenience of mind at work to smoothly run society where men are happy imagining to head the family and women enjoy all the power and take all important decisions under the tutelage of a figure head male authoritative figure. Delegation of power you may say. Though there may be stray cases where the authority and power may be vested in the same person. Nothing bad about that.

And at workplaces as well the same principle is at work. Sometimes the person in authority uses the power that comes to him by virtue of his position himself and sometimes someone else may use the power though the authority remains with the head. So when you desire for power keep one simple truth in mind that power must be used to bring positive influence in others life the way you noticed today.

When power is misused, it brings about chaos in society and social structures and the result is pain and hurt all around. The Indian mythology eulogies Goddess in the form of Shakti as it is creative power, a positive influence but in its destructive form it becomes Kali which destroys all evil. So the power in both its forms is shown to be useful for society. In spite of this when Kali was bent on destruction and nothing could stop her, it was God Shiva, her husband, who stopped her. You must have seen the expressions on the face of Kali when she steps up on Shiva! Embarrassment!

But we are average human beings and when power comes to our hands there is every chance that it could be misused. aI don’t think that I need to say any more as you understand all this power game and the havoc it can play. It is rightly said that “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

The choice is yours as it is the world you would be creating where benevolent influence of power would create positive vibrations and destructive influence of power would generate negative vibrations and I am sure my Little One would not love to be surrounded with negative ones!

Love

Ma

 

 

Letter to my Little One-24

 

Our gendered identity…

November 22, 2006

Dear Little One,

When I watched the picture that I uploaded today in the morning, I analyzed it very critically. I remember that you were in a light yellow shirt and knickers. The hair style and the general outlook that you radiated would make people comment, “Your Son?” and somehow I would be feeling guilty for you not being a son! Why did I want you to look like a son or for that matter traveling still back in the memory lanes, I find my father calling me Saroj Singh, a name I really identified myself with, and enjoyed doing it so. Now what is it that makes us take on an identity that is not our own. I started thinking hard about the time when a child develops gender constructed identity. I am sure that when you were born you didn’t know about the sex that you possessed. Is it not the fact that people like us fill this notion about defined roles for kids based on the sex that they are born with?I thought about my own father when he would recite to me verses from Kabir’s “Dhol, Ganwaar, Shudra aur Nari…” I would never think myself to be a “Nari”—a woman but would think of other women even your Nani falling in that category and worse still would roar out laughing at women being subject to such insult! It was perhaps that I identified more with my father than with my mother and “women” for me were the “other”!But how and when did I start identifying myself with the socially constructed identity that we call gender, I don’t remember. Perhaps it was when all the neighbourhood children would play for long hours and sometimes your nani would be worried on account of us being out for such a long time with boys. Or it could be when I was put to all girls’ school and I found myself to be different from some other kids who went to boys schools. Or it could be when I was asked not to do certain things as it was not befitting for the girls. Or it was when I found my parents earnestly desiring to have a son that I questioned my own worthiness in their life. Yes. It was at this stage that I, too, joined the bandwagon and started praying to God to bestow us with a brother. How strange all of it seems today but it is hard fact that I started belittling myself for being born a girl! How I wished “had I been born a boy?” Do you remember what your little brother was telling you one day when, I think, you have had a fight, “Had I been born earlier, there was no scope for you being here?” How intelligent indeed! I am sure all your arguments would have come to an end and you would have agreed, if not to him, at least to your ownself that it was true! Is it not that we have inculcated a culture where gender related issues have become common subjects where anyone and everyone has a suggestion to make. The only one who remains silent and has the least right to offer a suggestion is the person this whole debate is about—the woman!What do you say about it?Love

Ma

Letter to my Little One-23

 

Listen to your Inner Voice…

November 22, 2006

Dear Little One,

I don’t know why I have an inner urge to write to you so frequently these days. Somehow I am being driven by an inner urge to reach out to you and write whatever I could not say to you when you were near to me. You were so very right in your observation that the distance has rather brought us closer, even closer than we ever were. I relate to you these days on equal footing, on one to one basis and that has given a new definition to our relationship. Isn’t it beautiful! The proudest moment for a mother is when she can talk to her daughter freely without any pretension—may be without a mask–you may add.

But at times I feel that you are still vulnerable and a small girl that needs my constant presence and counseling to you. You may be, for the while, away from the shadow of the “Bargad tree” but get away if you can. J

I had an inner urge to write to you at this point of time when, in fact, I was writing something else, I suddenly thought of you. Perhaps you need me or want to talk to me and the like. I know I cannot be there with you all the time and for whole of your life. But my dear little one, trust me that there always is someone with you, call it your inner voice or your guardian angle. Remember “The Alchemist” who talks about the guardian angle and the dreams as well as the omens that help you get the message of the gods. Remember how we listened to all this intuition earlier but were drowned by reasons and logics later and to what effect!

Learn to be guided by your intuitive power. Intuition is the direct perception of the truth that is independent of any reason or logical basis. It is all about your gut feeling about how you see things, may be in a fraction of second. Later the more we analyze an event or an action, the rational mind comes forward with all reasons based on our references, past and present. But the intuition is the most innocent and purest reaction that your soul transmits to you. Develop a habit to listen to your gut feeling and you don’t would need anyone else to seek guidance from! Remember when you were a small child and I was not home when you had to take an important decision, you must have based it on intuitive power though at that time you didn’t have a name or label for this feeling. But unfortunately when we grow up we start discarding all this as a primitive way of seeing the reality and are guided more by reason because this is what everyone else is doing and is glorified for—being reasonable and logical—a rational being! So my dear Little one learn to listen to your inner voice and the first impression, as they would guide you the best. Intuitive guidance would help you read not only your feelings in a better perspective but also of others about you. Trust these intuitive powers.

Another way to seek guidance is to learn to interpret your dreams. Listen to your dreams and try understanding the message of your dreams. You know it well that I always leave it to my dreams to help me out of a situation whenever I find it too difficult to handle on my own or it makes me make a judicious choice between more than one options. And you know it too well that my dreams have always been the guiding mantras for us. I want you, too, to start listening to your inner voice. It is the voice that has no reason at all but is based on the gut feeling. I know it can be wrong at time as well but the misjudgment is not on the basis of the wrong intuition but in the wrong way to decipher it. We are humans and are apt to err. Many a times we choose to read what we want to read and not beyond and that prove to be our Waterloo.

The night dreams speak to us in “Wild Woman’s language” wild but prophetic, but we need to listen to her! How true this is! All we need is to listen to our voice, the voice of our soul! I know there would be moments in your life when you would have to take decisions without ever consulting any one, don’t ever think yourself to be alone at those points of time as you have a soul, that takes care of your actions. All you need is to listen to it. You may discard it all as an old woman’s ramblings but dear this is what I needed to say to you.

I need not elaborate this as you know how prophetic my dreams have been! I sleep with a prayer in my heart and mind the day I seek answer to what troubles me, and I am sure that I would get some clue. I need to interpret that clue as it is not a simple answer but is again conveyed in a puzzle like manner. You, too, need to develop a knack for reading your dreams as the dreams don’t lie. They speak the language of our heart!

I hope that next time you would not come with logical reasons for taking a decision but would be guided in your pursuit of happiness by intuition alone, the language that women know better than men! J

Now don’t start with that being alone I have become jittery, nothing like that, rather I feel I was never any more sane!

Love

Ma